I’m fed up of being so sick all the time.
Last night I ended up on a complete stranger’s sofa, with no idea who was in the house (if anyone was in the house), my friend abandoned me and I was left with no keys, money, or any idea when I was. I broke down on the sofa. Tried to get into contact with whatsisface, because I was really fucking scared, and he’s not asked if I’m alright now, and that’s really upset me. He has no idea how I am. He knows where I was and how upset I was.
Now I’ve been panicking so badly I can’t even go out to one gig, where I know plenty of people there and I know I would have had a fantastic time.
Even now, I’m so hungry it’s physically painful but my sister has friends round so I won’t dare leave my room til they’ve gone, thinking about it makes me shaky.
I hate college so much. Actually, I hate everything. I don’t mind work as much but I really loathe and despise that I have to get up and out of bed. Everything’s just such hard fucking work. I would mind a tiny bit less if I could do something, but it’s going to be September before the hospital sort anything out.
I don’t fucking know. I’m sick of everything. I need to have a really long chat with someone, but the only kid that’s online right now who I feel I could talk about all of it with has already gone through something similar with me, he got me to rely entirely on him whenever I had a problem or needed to talk about something (and I really do owe my life to him) and then he fucked off and didn’t talk to me at all for six months.
I feel like there’s nothing to be done any more, and it’s getting worse and worse and I’m not functioning and I dunno what I’m doing any more.